With all this talk about dooms day and the end of the world this weekend I started to take a closer look at my life and evaluate things. Without wanting to get too deep on the subject I wondered to myself would I quickly be forgotten if my end was near? Have I contributed enough to this life? Have I done everything I said I was going to do?
I am not all about the shoes. Although if I was to meet an early death I am sure this would be the first image that would go through anyone’s head when they thought of me. I would hope that I would be remembered for a great many traits besides my love of pretty shoes.
I’ve always been a reader. I couldn’t tell you what my first book was for sure but I know I read at an early age and that was all it took to never stop. Amongst my many shoes on my book shelves, there are books. My current favorite is anything by Emily Giffin, and if I had to choose a particular book it would be Something Blue, in which case you would need to read something borrowed to understand the storyline. I find myself relating to the main character Darcy. It’s about friendship, Love & forgiveness. I’ve read this book so much that it’s tattered… I need a new one.
I’ve also always been a writer. I mean, I AM a writer. I have been saying the words “I’m going to write a book” since I was in the 2nd grade and I wrote a short story for school. We got to bind and cover our books and dedicate to our families. You can’t imagine how I felt seeing my little Name on the cover. I say the same words to myself every year hoping to fulfill my dream that this year indeed will be the year that I write that book. I hope to be remembered for my many poems, blog posts and stories.
I am a sister, daughter & friend. I hope my siblings don’t just remember the childhood fights but remember the laughs we have had. Fun times. Maybe my mom won’t remember each and every argument we have had over the years but will reflect on each time I said I loved her and how much I cried to look like her when I was little and somehow as each year passes I do start to and that makes me happy. I have many friendships, some old and some new, & some that have lasted through years and some that are instant, these are the friendships I cherish and I know they cherish them too.
I am a wife. I laugh with this man. Say the silliest things. Admit my deepest fears, value his opinion. Tell him when he is being an ass. Push him to his greatest potential, appreciate him when he helps without asking, I envy his talent and support it.
I am a mother. I honestly didn’t want children. I didn’t like kids and couldn’t see myself with any until I actually became a parent. Now they are my whole world. My three sons. They are the most fantastic artists I’ve ever seen and all three have been drawing since infancy. Of all my greatest accomplishments giving birth to these future artists should be at the top of the list. I expect great things from them. I helped create them, I nursed their potential. I babied, encouraged, taught, was strict, and was playful and loving to these handsome, breathtaking boys. I can’t imagine what they might remember of me if I was to go. My daughter is an altogether different being. I see much of myself in this sweet and timid being. I just watch her in wonder. If god had asked me to describe what my daughter should be, I couldn’t have drawn her more perfect. She is everything I have ever wanted to be. Knowing how much I love her maybe she would miss me the most
Last but not least, I am me. There are so many things about myself. The good and the Bad, I would want it all remembered. How I loved my red lipstick and even wore it to the gym. How I was empathetic and often cried when I couldn’t help someone. How I hated hugs because they made me feel vulnerable. How I loved anything vintage, believed I had been born in the wrong era.
If it was my time to go, I know I haven’t done enough because I have so much more to do. I need others to see…I’m not just the shoes…I’m so much more
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